Little world inside

Expressing something that touches me, that’s why my blog is infrequent and not regular.

 Yes, frustrated! I never thought I’ll be writing about my own life on a blog.

I’m young, the age that girls in my caste get married. It’s not the case anymore in society here but my family arranged me. My heart broke leaving the studies. The fear that I had about marriage, watching the life of many closely known married ladies.

After I fell in love, I thought good about the future and hoped and imagined the best with my fiance. I had already taken the leap of faith and avoided noticing the small things he was telling me. The small things that pointed at the way of life I was heading towards. 
Some times I got irritated and did not talk to him for a day or two. But accepted those things thinking to manage when it comes. I started living the attention I was getting. Though the preparation for marriage was very hectic, I kept less work to myself.  

Avoidance. Overlooking. Mistakes that I made.  Thought I could feel at times that life will change and wasn’t going in the best difection, I couldn’t fortitude.

 My husband reads my blog, he may read here something that I’ve not told him. Around two weeks before marriage, I had the gut to tell my father that I did not want to get married. 

On reasoning, I lied that I feel bad about all the work that has build up on him. He understood I was hiding something from him. So, I lightly said that I’m scared and there are many things in the future family that I’ve double thoughts  about. He questioned me what they were. But I thought about my fiance, and put all my efforts to change what I said. The place I was standing, wasn’t to look back. I had the power to get back from marriage. No one, but my brother would have supported me in all conditions. 

At that time, I thought about everyone- family, relatives, fiance, his family and relative, the society and myself. I doubted myself to understand what decision would be right. So I settled with everyone’s wrong one. 

I chose life like my mother’s. Without understanding that I was doing that. Saree and veil. 

I wish many a times that girls like me can find hope and strenght to take their own decisions. If the parents think a girl can marry at that tender age, then she definitely has the brains to understand what’s not as per her suitability. Because the families, yet are unable to overcome the fear of society. Without understanding what their child actually needs and wants and how her mental state has developed since childbirth, they walk like a herd in the same direction. 

When parents want their children to accept their decision of selecting the partner for them, then the family and society should also understand what are the qualities that the child doesn’t expect. The not being more important than the want

Love Relation

Husband. He is the opposite sex. Why do we forget that? Why do husbands remember but avoid that? We are not clones. Individuals act differently.
Husband is our life partner. We fall in love, get married and then grow up together but apart. Why does it happen so?

I’ve seen that in this modern era, people are suffering more. Depression and divorces are becoming so common. What is compatibility?
Loving someone beyond liking him is love. Asking a person to behave in a manner you like, is not.

My husband and I are one bad combination. Ours was an arranged marriage, we fell in love during courtship period. Many a times we realized it will be a difficult journey but we exchanged our vows on the decided date according to our ‘kundlis‘.

Living separately in different cities and talking on phone is one thing. When we met, I was allowed to be late and was appreciated. He was allowed to take the important calls and dress insanely.

But now after sharing one bedroom, life became complicated. Both of our space vanished in thin air. Due to the hectic events during marriage, I became so tired and cheerless and sleepless that I almost hacked into his life. And he did was- focusing on my flaws. Both of us didn’t know what we were doing.

I knew we had to stick together. We had to give ourselves a chance. We knew we loved each other because no matter how much we hated the incompatibly, we couldn’t think apart (I love him!)

But because men are stupid, its women’s job to tell him how things work. I told him we had to start talking. Our conversations had become small and that had to improve. He taught me to keep silent when irritated. Tough for both of us! We started to know each other from beginning.

For twenty seven years he had been growing at a distant city in a different environment, with unlike people and a catchy-contrast day routine. So was I. We suddenly expected to be perfect for each others in three months. We may/may not be in a year or a decade or our entire lifetime.

Now we are learning. To appreciate and love the life together. To respect the distance because it helps us to forgive and miss each other. We are teaching and changing our ways of life. And discovering the days and years we’ve missed.
We are finding love, everyday.