There was a time when I used to think about my own birthday. Plan for it. Buy myself a new dress and tell my parents what I want for birthday. Party with friends, even if meant just going out for lunch. Getting a haircut around the month. Waiting for the big day. Almost the whole year.
Life was good in such simple thing that I am important for myself.
Life got complex from the time I stopped looking after my mental happiness treat requirements. First, should have always been me. Being selfless doesn’t anyhow mean to stop caring for little things that makes us feel good and loved by own selves.
In India, marriage can sometimes be life altering with no good.
Modern day house-Mom search all over the internet food for their babies and toddlers. The moment baby rejects the food I keep in front of him, my heart pounds. What now?? Shall I force feed him? Mostly I do that. Sometimes mealtime is cakewalk and I feel like life is so easy. Being a mother makes everything that happens related to baby equals to happening with life.
Sex is no where in picture. It is a requirement that has been left in the back thoughts. No one blames the other. Both the partner are tired so much at night, one making money and one raising kids and keeping the house intact.
Compatibility is left in a corner somewhere. Wife has to be compatible with kids and husband- with the boss and working staff.
Both have complains from themselves,”am I doing better?” Knowing that they have so much scope. One wants to play with the kids all day and one wants to go out for a while!
on #Loving what I do..
When I am sad about anything in this stupid mean world, I miss Mum.. she is like heaven. I miss living with her. She misses me too and calls so frequently, like 5 times a day, so.. it seems impossible at times.. hahaha
What am I made of? I wonder with lots of high breathing of guilt. Guilt of mistakes. Mistakes that keeps me here. In this hidden world of worries and eternal grief.
I’m looking for my lost dream. When my child will grow up and move on, will I be looking back and thinking I did nothing these 23 years?
I do not remember what my dream was when I was younger. When I went to school? I wanted to be famous, good at what I did. I wanted to make my parents proud. But what was my passion? What did I want to do?
Babies are the nicest little humans. They make us feel so special. Its true that mother’s heart is the warmest and she is beautiful. My little one has a bigger heart, he loves me unconditionally. He has filled my heart with immense happiness and love. I am mother because of him, beautiful and warm. Love.