..some memories (people) just can’t be replaced. And not because they are not things. Because you don’t want those wounds (scars) left by them to be healed. You have started to adore the ache, without you knowing they become an integral part of you..without those scars you are empty.. through them you know you are alive..
There’s always this ‘where to start’ thing in my mind. What should be the first statement. I have this guilty feeling of using the one I’ve used in this article.
But I had to write that today’s day was such a waste. I’m in my early twenties and doing almost nothing. Eating, sleeping, breathing doesn’t count.
My exams ended last week and I decided to take few ‘good’ classes for the same exam as I’m sure that I’m going to flunk- for the first time, and have to reappear soon. It’s been three days that I’ve found out this amazing online class, which is perfect to make sure I complete my education. Still I did not enrol. To overcome my habit of procrastinating, I decided to take up three things target to do everyday (read it somewhere so thought I shall give it a shot) so that I don’t delay the registration anymore.
First and top of the list was to get a CD/DVD player, which was very urgently required to show my grandfather a series of mythological story that he’s been demanding since before my papers.
Second, my actual priority, was secretly top of the list in my mind: to get enrolled in the class! How much time could it take! I mean, instead of writing this I can still check the procedure and get registered. But no, I’ve to first tell somebody what I did, instead of doing it right. No wonder why I will flunk. As I’m growing older, I’m losing my interest in doing things right and liking to just be.
The third and forever to be last thing on the lists of my life was sorting the junk that I have piled up in a small cupboard that is barely two feet tall. But sorting is something that every person on this planet hates to begin, I’m sure. Why? That’s a different story.
Do I need to mention if I did a single task? Or should I cut it and tell what I did instead? Latter is better (Nope, it doesn’t rhyme).
I wasted my time in watching movies. My silly heart wants to write invested because I enjoyed, but investment is something that pays you back in future. Period.
Television gets the best of me. My school Principal once asked me if I wanted to be an actor. Why she ever asked me so? That’s not the point. The point is, I become someone else when I’m on television. Movies, precisely. The satisfaction I get when I complete watching one movie is priceless. All day watching movies.
Started with ‘the da Vinci code’, and was so jealous of the protagonists for their talents of cracking codes and the number of places they’d traveled. Second flick was ‘Julie and Julia’. I love Amy Adams after watching only two of her movies, this and Enchanted. Yes, I yet haven’t watched American Hustle, neither Man of Steel. It’s already very sad. Let me not go deeper into this. The third movie that I saw was, ‘World War Z’, I understand why Angelina was not casted. Then it was the great Judie Foster’s ‘Flightplan’, which kind of depressed me.
I did not learn anything, neither did I earn anything unlike the actors in movie and the channel that played it. I was only entertained, as if I had reasons to be bored. It’s a pity if I still don’t learn from my mistakes.
Still I have set two movies to record, ‘The Lucky One’ and ‘Man on a Ledge’, and the Brazil versus Mexico match.
One can never satisfy (stand up to the) expectations of other, because it constantly increases. When expectations should completely vanish, these are at their epitome.
Indulge in competition only if it raises your standards. If it brings out the negatives in you, you’ll lose even if you win the war.
If somebody asked me to choose between my heart and my mind, I will definitely go for my brains. I mean what is this silly heart? It’s such a big liar, which at first consoles, giving hopes for lifetime, and then shattering the dreams for eternity.
Literally, heart does not even exist. It is our cardiovascular muscles in the rib cages, which does not think or speak or talk to us! Just aches at the wrong time.
I remember how much I was in love. For such a long time. Love has the greatness to sometimes make us happy and sometimes sad about the same silly thought. My insecurity once asked him, “Will you have a girlfriend?”
I really wished he had lied after he told me the truth. But the present makes me happy that did not. That one thought of his truth had made me happy because he did not make a promise to break. Did not keep me waiting. And sad, because his honesty at such a time, when a person would generally lie so that the girl in front of you should not break down in tears, makes me miss him.
People ask me, what took me so long to let go! I did not want to let go. And it’s mostly because people don’t want to, because they start feeling that the pain is something they have of the person. It becomes part of them. Without expecting the person to love us back.
So how does one ‘move on’? It’s different with everybody. At those time when everything was fresh, and somebody would even mention those two words, I started the non ending philosophical talks. And then end up crying, being totally confused about my feelings.
But with life, I gave up listening slow music. Started believing that I was also special, had two-three great friends who were actually there for me, started studying, passing, and feeling important. I was still very much into the person but this time I had accepted that I was in love. So I enjoyed my smiles and laughters.
Last year standing in the corridor between our doors, while having a normal conversation with a friend-neighbor, I remember realising I wasn’t the same person I used to be. At that simple moment, I knew love had left me. Trust me, it wasn’t the best feeling. I was empty, normal, I wasn’t the person I believed I was for past six years, and it was sad. I did not love him or hate him or feel anything for him. I couldn’t even feel a thing looking at his picture or hearing his name. Yes, I did try these things!
So, I took a deep breath, wore a gentle smile, looked around, and found so many attractive guys, potential boyfriends and magical crushes.
Now I’m back to being an ordinary girl, who has a crush every month which ends in tears and the better one begins with a great blush.
“Trust is very expensive, but the irony is- it is as much necessary”