A chapter of a life

A letter written by a girl to her best friend who she deeply fell in love with. Fortunately or unfortunately, they never became more than that. Rather, they lost each other. I think this is the most common thing we see nowadays. How simple things become complicated, the unknown reasons of why we fail to accept love and confess at the time, and the wait for the perfect time when the world is just falling apart every second.

One day I will go away so far from your life that you will never be able to find me. . In time may be I won’t even need you. May be I’ll regret it more than you will, but I think I lost you quite back in time. I can’t exactly see when, but when I look back, every moment proves being perfect for each other is not enough. That one thread end for us was always loose.

One day I may not forget the first day we met, but someday you will realise that you could have done something about everything that just seemed to not happen. When you find that there was something that connected us better than anyone who we ever felt for or tried to connect with, I don’t want you to feel lost. You must believe that you’ve found yourself. But don’t look for me, stop looking for answers or framing questions. At that time, when you know that there is something called love, hold on to the person you have then.

Now when I say this, I don’t know how meaningfully or angrily you’ll take this, but it’s time. That day has come. No matter how much it affects our entire life, I’m not ready to give us another chance. Ever. I can’t wait and I promise, I won’t come back.
Best wishes.

She truly did what she wrote. She got over the person and is living a happy life doing things she loves. There may be a bit of him that still stays there deep down hidden which , thankfully, even she may not remember.
Some may say that it wasn’t true love and some may differ. All I know is that people change for good (at least for themselves, for survival).

We do fall in love again if we let go.

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Sisters

The age difference between them is three and a half years, Im not sure. You may prove me wrong, but I–being the younger to two of my cousins– believe that younger ones are more sensitive.

My two nieces and I were standing on the stairs, and they were naming different colours. I grabbed the little one and gave her a peck on her fluffy cheek. I don’t think that Mishty liked my gesture. So she said, “She doesn’t know ABCD and she also cannot say a poem. And.. and she is not good in dancing.” She was seven years old. I felt bad for her, saying such things unnecessarily and looked at the younger one, because honestly, I loved her more. Barbie knew very little. I smiled at her as I feared how bad she must be feeling.

How beautifully she smiled back and quickly stuttered, “My didi (elder sister) ..dances good.., knows poem ABCD.,” I could see in her eyes, what she was trying to tell me. No matter what she did not know, she felt safe as long as her sister had all the little talent.
My heart was filled. I had no words to appreciate her. In spite of her sibling resenting her, she looked up at her elder sister. With hope. I felt so proud that I only knew her.

I felt the trust in her small eyes, the innocent smile on her face, she was beyond cute and wonderful person. I never was or ain’t am half the person she is at such a tender age.
My kiddo niece with heart of a gem!

Questionnaire!!

How connected are we? This is the future we’re living in. But how distant we humans have become to humanism. How free are we, even when our country is independent. How relaxed our lives are even after so many luxurious items!

Are you happy? Are you living? When was the last time you stopped and looked around? What all do you miss in life? Do you miss someone’s chirpy smile?

Do you feel embarrassed to confess or ask someone to be your friend? When was the last time you made someone a greeting? When was the last time you told your mother you love her? Or may be cooked for your parents? Have you eaten with your eyes closed? Did you walk on grass today? Barefoot? Or, can you recite a poem? When was the last time you jumped from the 10th or 11th stair’s step?

Did you ever sleep beneath the naked sky? Have you ever gone somewhere without any phone? Like on a long holiday? When was the last time you crossed your limits? Be it eating, drinking, dancing, or driving!!

Do you remember the smell of your old house or street? Did you ever want to start afresh, a new career, a new path, starting from zero? Are you doing what you love? Are you missing something or someone? When was the last time you played hide-n-seek? Did you try to have conversation with a kid who just learnt to speak? Do you sleep like a baby? Do you not put that alarm?

Who was last stranger you talked to? Who was your first crush? Did you ever fall in love? Who is that actor you so wanna make love to? What are you doing about it? Do you like fishing? What is your favourite sports? When did you play it? What was the topmost speed that you drove a car to? What is your favourite colour? Who is your best friend? Have you stayed up all night with your best friend? Can you fly a kite? Do you take random showers?

Do you love yourself? Do you want to settle in some different country? Have you seen sunset or sunrise from a different country? Which your favourite horror movie? How often do you sing or hum? How often do you kiss? Have you ever given someone a head massage? Do you like kids? Have you felt rain on your skin recently? Have you jumped in a cold pool? Has a kid ever fell asleep in your arms? How many plants do you have? What is your favourite song? How loudly can you sing it? How madly you can dance to that tune?

What makes you ecstatic? Are you living?

RIP humanity

Hiroshima and Nagasaki. First casualties of nuclear bombing.
My heart stopped when I read about it , in English and in Hindi in school, my heart stops when I read about it now.

Many people who suffered that act of ‘humanity’ are anti-nuclear world activist. The more I read, the more I doubt if science has brought us more good! Scientist should never inform anyone of such inventions, and destroy all the evidence of such inventions and forget the formulas.

Do people remember that we are humans? We all are the same species, gladly on Mother Earth. I really wish that some alien attacks us, so these brave officials understand the importance of getting over this border and war crap. Maintaining a system/discipline is necessary, but dividing people is crime. People who give the orders of war, should be the first to be in the battlefield. The presidents, prime ministers. Actually it’s only they who should fight it over a wrestling competition, and the innocents can watch.

There is hatred everywhere I see, people killing, raping, terrorising, kidnaping and stealing. Sometimes, most of it is attached to the centre of the politics. What if this world ends due to some nuclear war? Will the inventors be happy about their invention used for destruction? To finish away life? I feel sorry for the future, I feel sorry that we are unable to become better.

How does one justify the act of killing? Who doesn’t want rapists to be killed, kidnappers and thief to learn lessons, and murderers and terrorists to be left captured forever to degrade away, it seems so right. But is it? How do we deal with humans that have turned into monsters and not making any more monsters on way to achieve it? How to even make them surrender without use of violence?

Only if he was alive, he could have answered this conflicting view.

People have debated over that bombing as tragedy or life saver. But this is how I feel. This is how the father of “my motherland” felt. I feel a little more at peace as someone expressed what I could never had.

Mahatma Gandhiji’s words of wisdom.

7-7-1946

It has been suggested by American friends that the atom bomb will bring in Ahimsa (non-violence) as nothing else can. It will, if it is meant that its destructive power will so disgust the world that it will turn it away from violence for the time being. This is very like a man glutting himself with dainties to the point of nausea and turning away from them only to return with redoubled zeal after the effect of nausea is well over. Precisely in the same manner will the world return to violence with renewed zeal after the effect of disgust is worn out.

Often does good come out of evil. But that is God’s not man’s plan. Man knows that only evil can come out of evil, as good out of good.

That atomic energy, though harnessed by American scientists and army men for destructive purposes, may be utilized by other scientists for humanitarian purposes, is undoubtedly within the realm of possibility. But that is not what was meant by my American friends. They were not so simple as to put a question which connoted an obvious truth. An incendiary uses fire for his destructive and nefarious purpose, a housewife makes daily use of it in preparing nourishing food for mankind.

So far as I can see, the atomic bomb has deadened the finest feeling that has sustained mankind for ages. There used to be the so-called laws of war which made it tolerable. Now we know the naked truth.

War knows no law except that of might.

The atom bomb brought an empty victory to the Allied arms, but it resulted for the time being in destroying the soul of Japan. What has happened to the soul of the destroying nation is yet too early to see. Forces of nature act in a mysterious manner. We can but solve the mystery by deducing the unknown result from the known results of similar events.

A slave-holder cannot hold a slave without putting himself or his deputy in the cage holding the slave.

Let no one run away with the idea that I wish to put in a defense of Japanese misdeeds in pursuance of Japan’s unworthy ambition. The difference was only one of degree. I assume that Japan’s greed was more unworthy. But the greater unworthiness conferred no right on the less unworthy of destroying without mercy men, women and children of Japan in a particular area.

The moral to be legitimately drawn from the supreme tragedy of the bomb is that it will not be destroyed by counter-bomb, even as violence cannot be by counter-violence.

Mankind has to get out of violence only through non-violence.

Hatred can be overcome only by love, Counter-hatred only increases the surface as well as the depth of hatred. I am aware that I am repeating what I have many times stated before and practiced to the best of my ability and capacity. What I first stated was itself nothing new. It is as old as the hills. Only, I recited no copy book maxim, but definitely announced what I believe in every fibre of my being. Sixty years of practice in various walks of life has only enriched the belief which the experience of friends has fortified. It is, however, the central truth by which one can stand alone without flinching. I believe in what Max Muller said years ago, namely, that truth needed to be repeated as long as there were men who disbelieved it.

Understood. Applause. Forget??

I apologise if it hurts any view or sentiments. Mine is just a perspective. Yours may be better. Be kind enough to leave a good comment

Being French!

No, I’m not french! It’s the new language I’ve decided to learn. There’s strong desire to speak it fluently. I’m posting this so that I actually keep going on and not back-packing in between. I’m answerable here, at least ‘to’ my blog.

I had a foreign language subject in 7th grade, it was mostly a burden. Most of us chose french to show-off. I didn’t remember what all the faculty tried to teach us, but I remembered numbers. So when I got another chance, I joined a class during college, but sadly, couldn’t learn it properly. Reason being no revision, no one to talk to and focusing on the dates when the classes would end.

Yesternight, when I was stumbling , I found a nice article on skills that we should try to teach ourself. I thought it was a short list on what we can and should know, but a long one to actually implicate.

One of them was language. Apart from my mother language, I only know English- I can’t tell how properly. It’s embarrassing. I strongly believe we all should be able to speak three languages, it’s a great and important invention by humans.

Coming to the point, I’m starting to learn french. Again. This time I will. Half an hour everyday cannot be that difficult. It is by choice, even if I may never visit France (though I really really want to go to Paris). The most important thing in learning language is consistency and patience. God, I lack both.

Souhaiter moi bonne chance! (Googled)

Almost

I almost told him how I feel,
the feeling that flickers,
and it felt he suffers same emotion,

Times, he almost came up there but stumbled,
we never confessed
we probably never will

May be thats our ego
May be thats our cowardness- a quality we share– to lose a friend
May be thats our last chance
to get things better,
or ruin for life.

Can we be at two places at the same time?
At that moment, it feels like
go ahead, say it.
We’ll see whatever comes.
But then hope knows the borders,
Who are ‘we’ here?
Why is my we so alone!

Lost time

It was written a long time ago. Re-read it and thought I should share with you all. Hope you enjoy it. 


image

Love may happen twice
It may not

All that I want is a hug,
A hug that fills me up
And tears me apart at the same time
To which I can cry
And cherish all my life
A hug so bright and tight
A hug to remember

If you know you cant be with the person you love,.

When every song reminds you of him
When his name engulfs your heart
When there’s nothing that can be done to save oneself
When all you want is time to stop when you are together

When he seems the only saviour
Because you can imagine only him
And yet you can’t call out for help
Because something stops you, which is not ego
Because you just have to let go
Because you can’t do anything but drown

No matter how ahead you’ve come,
If you ever pause to look back
Something has stuck you

All I want is a hug for the last time
To secretly wisper all my misery to you
That they have ended
Cause then I’ll hold you
That hug would be the best and worst feeling
Because it would be the moment
I’ll be completely alive, or
maybe ready to die
Because even when I’ll have you in my arms
I don’t know how shall I let you go again

If I could just stop time
Or could end everything
Stay like that forever
With you
How I wish

Again falling in love
..with you..

 

..Reflect

We are the prisoners to the image we want to create for ourself. What we fear the most is person staring us back in the mirror. We fear the person who knows every bit of it, the truths, the lies, the guilts. It knows where we should go. And for the same reason keeps us from following our heart many time.