All posts by Salina Dias

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Love what you do

Trying to. Modern day house-Mom search all over the internet food for their babies and toddlers. The moment baby rejects the food I keep in front of him, my heart pounds. What now?? Shall I force feed hum? Mostly I do that. Sometimes mealtime is cakewalk and I feel like life is so easy. Being a mother makes everything that happens related to baby equals to happening with life.

Sex is no where in picture. It is a requirement that has been left in the back thoughts. No one can blame each other. Both the partner are tired so much at night, one making money and one raising kids and keeping the house intact.

Compatibility is left in another corner of house. Wife has to be compatible with kids and husband has to be compatible with the boss and working staff.

Both have complains from themselves of doing better. Knowing that they have so much scope. One wants to play with the kids all day and one wants to go out for a while!

Loving what you do..

A lost dream

What am I made of? I wonder with lots of high breathing of guilt. Guilt of mistakes. Mistakes that keeps me here. In this hidden world of worries and eternal grief.

I’m looking for my lost dream. When my child will grow up and move on, will I be looking back and thinking I did nothing these 23 years?

I do not remember what my dream was when I was younger. When I went to school? I wanted to be famous, good at what I did. I wanted to make my parents proud. But what was my passion? What did I want to do?

My story

Babies are the nicest little humans. They make us feel so special. Its true that mother’s heart is the warmest and she is beautiful. My little one has a bigger heart, he loves me unconditionally. He has filled my heart with immense happiness and love. I am mother because of him, beautiful and warm. Love.

The high end jewellery that my life is.. 

This is how she started ..”As fucked up and as hopeless as I feel right now. May be I should sleep. I love my baby a lot. He is the cutest person. He loves me so much. He hugs me kisses me saves me. With my husband, I have imagined the most beautiful life. Yes it is neither his responsibility nor anything to keep me happy or make a thing out of my life. But it must be something. Surely, before blaming someone else for not living the kind of life I had imagined and yet surely -my husband does provide me with all the facilities in the world- something in me must be wrong. What is that? Not being brave enough to take a step. I need strength. Being too obsessed for living in my comfort zone, being so specific of how someone should talk to me. How parents should treat me. I love my baby.. maybe caring for him is the only good and big thing I’ll be able to do in life. I have to accept it and be a housemaker. Housewife. With all the pain in me, from one person if I can expect to understand how i feel.. its no one.. my gem years are wasting.. i hope i live peacefully n keep my family happy..”

She cried so much on the word housewife.. she broke down.. she’ll be strong again.. and definitely do something when her time comes.. Hope.. 

Only your mother can show you true love. No expectations, unconditional, pure love. Getting mothers love is the biggest blessing of god. Having mother is the epitome of happiness. She is the gift to treasure and love. Understanding her and loving her is what one can do. Whenever it comes to mind tell her that you love her, if only simply by saying ‘I love you’

Why I need to write? Today I need to write. To know what I’m feeling. Feelings are passing over so fast and so much with me that I need a break so that later I don’t overthink. I shall know what I’m thinking clearly and move on with my thoughts. Yes, I’m a good person. I feel bad when I buy something expensive for me because I think of all the alternatives and much more survival-friendly things I could have done for needy people with that money. I don’t have control. I want to change the world. I want to sell my diamonds to give food to who are starving. The shine of my diamond is not bright enough to shine the world. The shine of someone’s heart and peaceful plentiful sleep will shine the world. The love for living. Do I need that diamond? It reminds me of how that girl cannot afford another year of college and came to work in my house during the three months break so that she could. All the wasteful things that we collect. Those number of teddybears  wrapped properly in transparent plastic sheets to keep them from dust are kept on my cupboard. Who needs them? Does anybody in this world need a teddy bear? 

I also do not understand how to help a being. Remember being is important. I was driving by to buy bedsheets for my house for the new festival season, and we crossed a path where sat a little girl and a woman. They both may be neighbors, did not seem family. They were selling the same product. They had put the things on a rug placed on the road. It wasn’t very clean with all the pollution. It was a wheat luck that people place in their homes. I don’t know its name. The girl looked really sad. We crossed by and my eyes just noticed her and my brain was hacked to put smile on her face. I think she didn’t have any buyer. I ignored but couldn’t. We stopped few shops ahead and I had to buy something from her. It was so cheap I didnot understand how to help her. I didnot even understand what she was selling. If only I knew what to do of the thing she was selling I would have bought it all. I couldn’t help her i think. I must have brought a little smile i think. That may be something. Just something if only. I hope to change this world one day.