Why I need to write? Today I need to write. To know what I’m feeling. Feelings are passing over so fast and so much with me that I need a break so that later I don’t overthink. I shall know what I’m thinking clearly and move on with my thoughts. Yes, I’m a good person. I feel bad when I buy something expensive for me because I think of all the alternatives and much more survival-friendly things I could have done for needy people with that money. I don’t have control. I want to change the world. I want to sell my diamonds to give food to who are starving. The shine of my diamond is not bright enough to shine the world. The shine of someone’s heart and peaceful plentiful sleep will shine the world. The love for living. Do I need that diamond? It reminds me of how that girl cannot afford another year of college and came to work in my house during the three months break so that she could. All the wasteful things that we collect. Those number of teddybears wrapped properly in transparent plastic sheets to keep them from dust are kept on my cupboard. Who needs them? Does anybody in this world need a teddy bear?
I also do not understand how to help a being. Remember being is important. I was driving by to buy bedsheets for my house for the new festival season, and we crossed a path where sat a little girl and a woman. They both may be neighbors, did not seem family. They were selling the same product. They had put the things on a rug placed on the road. It wasn’t very clean with all the pollution. It was a wheat luck that people place in their homes. I don’t know its name. The girl looked really sad. We crossed by and my eyes just noticed her and my brain was hacked to put smile on her face. I think she didn’t have any buyer. I ignored but couldn’t. We stopped few shops ahead and I had to buy something from her. It was so cheap I didnot understand how to help her. I didnot even understand what she was selling. If only I knew what to do of the thing she was selling I would have bought it all. I couldn’t help her i think. I must have brought a little smile i think. That may be something. Just something if only. I hope to change this world one day.